Advance Directive

I have one of these now.

It was interesting when the lawyer placed the document before me. Interesting as in a made me feel weird kind of way.

The last time I had worried with one was just before my mom died. We were updating things for my dad. He still was not diagnosed then. We thought he was being a little eccentric. He told us "you're trying to kill me." At first we didn't think he really meant it but then he became uncharacteristically angry and I remember sitting there trying to get my mind around what had just happened.

I chose the option that provides for no food and no water in case it is agreed I am dying and can't make any decisions for myself. My Judy didn't like that choice much and said so. Well, I didn't really like it either. She's my health care proxy. I hope she doesn't have to deal with the issue but if she does I think maybe having this document might help.

I do believe that "it is appointed for me to die once" as I read it in Hebrews 9:27. I think its best to leave the details up to The Lord. He's trustworthy.

Someone much younger that I know was talking the other day about wondering when they'd feel grown up. I've wondered that myself.

Having an advance directive is a pretty grown up thing.

Unleavened Bread

Passover begins this coming Sunday, April 20, 2008.

I have some friends who are working really hard to say sober. They're attending AA meetings and going to counseling and doing about anything and everything to escape their addiction.

I was thinking about how addiction to alcohol is like being enslaved and how similar is the escape.

It took ten plagues visited upon the Egyptians before the Pharaoh let the Israelis go. All of the plagues were pretty bad in my view.

1. Water sources turned to blood
2. Frogs
3. Gnats
4. Flies
5. Disease on livestock
6. Boils
7. Hail with fire
8. Locusts
9. Darkness
10. Death of first born

I was wondering if the I could make some kind of correlation between those 10 plagues and the addict's path to that final moment of clarity. I haven't done it but I think I could.

It is heartbreaking to meet some of these addicts and get to know them as individuals instead of some label. Labels are terrible in how they mask the humanness of individuals. It is easier to disregard and ignore an alcoholic than it is Joe's sister, Sarah.

At a meeting not too long ago the question was asked about how long everyone had been sober. One very young man upon his turn asked "well, what time is it?" He was serious. He had come from jail directly to the meeting. I asked about him later in the week and was told he was already back in jail. He did not make it very long this time around.

It took the death of the first born children before the slaves were released. That's a lot like reaching bottom I think.

But it turned out the being set free was only the first step.

The next was that the entire nation had to leave Egypt and they had to flee into this vast wilderness where they wandered around for a long time. They had a lot of hard stuff happen out there in the wilderness, too. All of that generation, except two, died before reaching the destination.

When freedom was granted they had to leave in a hurry. It had to be right then. It couldn't be later. So they made unleavened bread. Crackers basically. Bread does not last very long and does not pack very easily either. Crackers last a while and are pretty easily stowed for travel.

Anyway - just stuff I've been thinking about.

Anaphylaxis

J has food allergies. We ran out of places in Oklahoma City to help us. So we found a place in Dallas that we decided to try.

I have hay fever. It isn't new. But I seem to be getting more sensitive and I think the episodes are worse. During the caregiving period I became allergic to latex and once even had an anaphylactic episode.

Since we were both going to be at the clinic then I figured I would also have testing and look into both homeopathic treatment and immunotherapy.

They called it provocative testing. The tester takes a tiny amount of various allergens highly diluted in water and injects them just beneath the skin. A few minutes later he checks to see if a wheal has formed and what size it is.

The idea is to find the range of potency of the allergen that causes a reaction. Once that is known then a special compound of the antigens is formulated for periodic self-injection. Over time the potency is increased and the body learns to tolerate the allergen. In this way the actual cause of the allergic reaction is addressed and sometimes patients are able to completely avoid any medication.

It actually works pretty well for hay fever and many other kinds of allergies. But it is quite controversial for food allergies. On the other hand no one seems to have any better ideas other than avoiding all the food. That works pretty well uness you have nothing to eat as a result.

The first part of the test was for tree pollen. My first reaction was to Hackberry pollen. It was pretty mild but noticeable. I thought it was interesting because I have this old Hackberry tree on the farm. It is one of the few things there that is older than I am. I have always kind of liked that old tree.

Next he (his name is James) gave me the Juniper pollen. Whoa! I had a big reaction. I suspected I would because of a trip I made to Santa Fe in March of 2007. I had a terrible time on that trip and my cousin told me it was these Mountain Junipers. Juniper includes all these cedar trees we have everywhere around where I live. So it wasn't all that surprising.

Then we started on grasses.

I sat back down on my chair. I thought to myself this is feeling weird. The lady next to me was staring at my face. She told the tester "he's having an intense reaction." My left eye was swollen shut by then but I didn't exactly know it. My right eye was also swollen but I could still see. My mouth was hot like I had eaten a hot pepper maybe. And my tongue was swelling. It felt like my tongue was turning upside down in my mouth. Like curled up from side to side except upside down is how it felt. I wondered if I would swallow it except I don't know why I wondered that.

I started having a really hard time breathing. The others in the room said I was very red. My palms of my hands were bright red. I kept staring at them. Then my fingers turned blue. I had never seen that before. My nose was running. I was coughing. I needed water. I walked out to the water cooler and got one of those little cone things full of water. Someone got me a red plastic cup later.

I was not thinking very clearly although I did not know that at the time.

The tester gave me two injections of histamine that helped a lot. After a few minutes I thought I should tell Judy in case I died so I went to find her. I told her "I had a reaction" but it was pretty evident. I meant to tell her that I loved her and if I died I just wanted her to know that. But that was way too many words and I just could not get them all together and out of my mouth for some reason.

I went back and resumed my seat in the testing area.

The doctor kept trying to talk to me. He was standing and I was sitting. I think I finally told him that I couldn't turn my head up anymore and I'd have to talk straight ahead. But I really wanted to lie down and sleep and I wanted everyone to quit talking to me.

They took me back to this room and had me lie down. I was really cold by then and I was shivering. I tried to not shiver but I couldn't really stop it. My fingers were white. The doc said that was because the blood vessels were constricted. They checked my blood pressure and my oxygen. The nurse gave me a shot of Benadryl in my right arm into he muscle. It kind of hurt but not like a sharp pain. Then another nurse gave me another injection of some kind of steroid. I remember the doctor saying something about it but beats me what it was.

He gave Judy a prescription for EpiPens and told her to get some Benadryl and to give me more when we got to the hotel. I said I was fine and finally they let us leave. We walked out to the parking lot and I got in to drive. Judy was nice but said she thought I'd better let her drive so I got out and moved around to the passenger side.

I pretty much would do whatever anyone would tell me. I remember thinking that was funny that I was so compliant.

She found a Walgreen's and I waited on her in the car while she got the prescription. It took a long time. I slept but not very well.

Then she found the hotel. The map thing on the car is rather useful at times. I was able to check us in by that time and I carried in the suitcases and stuff. I had no energy and it was hard carrying stuff. I was definitely breathing hard but I offset it by going slowly. Judy gave me some more Benadryl and I went to sleep. I was still cold so I pulled all of the covers over me.

Sometime I became hot and then I got up for a while. I drank some juice and ate some dried blueberries I think. Then I went back to sleep and I don't remember anything else until morning.

We had to go back to the clinic. I drove. The doc asked me how I was doing and I told him "I am not excatly the sharpest knife in the drawer." My true wit!!

Then we went to Whole Foods and bought a few things and headed back home.

We're returning in a few weeks to have more tests. Hopefully there will not be any more reactions like this one.

But just in case I never get to post anything again I just want you all to know I love you.

Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers

I received my copy of Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers today.

I opened it with great excitement and hurried to find our own Betsy's article. It's a wonderful story entitled "A Graceful Exit." It is very well written as if there were ever any doubt. I enjoyed it so much that I turned immediately to the front and began reading from the beginning.

It isn't necessary to read the essays in any particular order. In fact I think that's one of the things that I like most about this book. I was short of time so I thought I would read just a few. Finally I stopped only when I realized I had to hurry to make an appointment. I was very surprised to find I had already covered half the book.

Of course Betsy's article has to be my favorite but I do have others. I am quite certain that everyone will have their own favorites. There's one called "Horse on Lap" that reminds me so much of Judy's "Jett."

But there is no great need to be a horse lover to enjoy this book. Really I think it is an anthology about friendship and relationship and all of the accompanying emotion and drama. The stories all have the ring of truth forged from the reality of personal experience. There is despair and joy and sadness and love and anger and bitterness and solace and as many others as can be imagined. Each story is complete in itself and I found not a single one that I would have omitted.

Great job Betsy and congratulations to Colleen Sell for putting this volume together. I hope it finds many other readers who will each find the same reward I discovered.

Flinty's Excellent Adventure

My brother and his family gave us a Christmas gift certificate to the Big Cedar Lodge in Ridgedale, Missouri. It wasn't this past Christmas though but Christmas, 2006. That was Dad's last Christmas as it turned out and it was the beginning of the most difficult time for him and for me.

There wasn't much opportunity in 2007 for us to take a trip. It was a hard year that one was. A few times we tried to make reservations but it just never worked out for one reason or another. Finally I made the reservations on March 2nd this year. This place is expensive and packed all the time. So they have a strenuous cancellation policy as in you have to cancel like 22 days before your arrival date to get all your money back. At 21 days you only get half and then it goes down from there.

Ridgedale is about 10 miles south of Branson. I took my young family to Branson back in the early or mid 1980's. It has grown so much larger since that time and is truly a magnet for all sorts of tourists. The area is hilly (more like short mountains) with beautiful lakes and streams and lush forestation. The area around Branson is very beautiful. I personally don't like Branson that much. There are too many people for me and way too much traffic and just too touristy. But I am told by friends that there are wonderful live shows there and that I just need to learn to live a little better.

Big Cedar Lodge is actually a rather large compound of several lodges, many cabins, restaurants, and other buildings all nestled at one end of Table Rock Lake. The lodges and cabins are arranged on the side of the valley face so that every room or cabin looks out onto the lake. There are no bad views. The lodges are 3 story structures out of steel and concrete but finished on the outside with wood logs so they appear to be log buildings. The inside is plaster and very modern and nice. There is a definite outdoor theme with room decor including pelts and stuffed animals of various types.

Even though it is located in such a rural setting with a natural hunting and fishing theme it is strangely formal and elegant. Several restaurants suggest reservations for evening and business casual attire is normal. It suggests to my mind what the old Adirondack lodges must have been like. Although I admit the only thing I know about Adirondack lodges is what I learned from Dirty Dancing.

In our room there were 2 deer heads looking at us from one wall. I find it a little disconcerting to have dead animals looking at me when I'm in bed.

On another wall there was a bear skin and some pheasants and a raccoon was doing something on yet another wall. The rooms are huge with a fireplace that you turn on with a switch. There's cable and wifi and a bathtub and a shower and room service as needed. We also had a small refrigerator and a microwave. The bed had this down comforter that itself was wrapped in 2 sheets.

The lodges are set into the slope of the valley. So the road takes you behind the lodge where you park and the entry from the road is on the 3rd floor of the lodge. You come in and take an elevator down to your room if you are on floors 1 or 2.

It is very quiet here. Every room has a balcony and each balcony has two wooden rocking chairs. It is wonderfully peaceful to sit out there on the balcony and look out over the valley and the lake.

On the morning after we arrived I got out for my normal exercise time and decided to walk down to the registration building and then back. I knew it was pretty steep from driving up to the lodge in the car but you really do get a much better sense of how steep it really is when walking. I think I am in fair shape since I exercise nearly every day but in no time I was huffing and puffing.

Well the way down the hill isn't so tough although you have to be careful because you can pick up pretty good speed. But going back up is hard. On the way I met a much younger man on his mountain bike. He was going down and I had enough air to say "hi." I thought to myself that I would probably kill myself on a bike going down but if I made it down I'd have to carry the thing back up because there's no way I could peddle it.

Then I saw a father and a daughter. The daughter was in her mid-teens I think. She was jogging. Her dad was in his early 40's I'd say and he was having a tough time keeping up.

Judy took the photo of me and the stuffed bear. Did I ever tell you that she called me her "teddy bear?" The bear and I have a strangely similar body shape I think. He's quite a bit taller though. But even our arms are similarly positioned. He's looking a little more to the left though. Some people have told me I am sometimes grouchy as a bear. I wonder how bears got the grouchy reputation?

After we left Big Cedar we drove around Branson and then headed to Springfield. We had lunch there and then stopped at the big Bass Pro shop. It is really big. "Shop" is definitely the wrong word. The thing has its own stream and waterfall. We were quite interested though in this place where you could have names custom embroidered onto shirts.

Later we found a movie theater in Springfield and stopped to watch Fool's Gold. Kate Hudson was in it with Matthew McConaughey and Donald Sutherland. I think I like Kate Hudson so much because of her mother, Goldie Hawn. Even when the movie is not so good I enjoy watching Kate Hudson. This movie is not going to win any awards but it was really nice for us.

On the way back home we got off the Interstate and traveled part of old Route 66. First we stopped in Claremore and I actually got a Starbucks there. I had one the previous day inside the Bass Pro Shop so I wasn't in too much withdrawl.

Later we stopped by this new place in Arcadia, OK called "Pop's."

It's a gas station with a diner and a fountain and it is designed by an innovative architect from Oklahoma City.

It has this huge pop bottle like thing out in front that is lit up with neon at night. It is pretty impressive. In keeping with the "pop" theme the gas pumps are ultra-modern and make you think of soda pop bottles.

The walls of the building are glass and slanted on an angle. Inside there are shelves on the glass walls and on those shelves are hundreds and hundreds of soda pop bottles.

They have a rather large collection of different soda pops that you can buy.

I bought a sarsaparilla and a root beer. The place was very busy when we were there with nearly every table taken in the little diner area. The diner is kind of old fashioned and nostalgic.

I suppose it is the nostalgia that maybe is the big draw. Or maybe it is the uniqueness of the thing or the kind of kitschiness that it is meant to make one remember about old Route 66.

It is surprisingly close to Edmond, Oklahoma where my kids live. I knew about the place but in my mind it should have been further away. But that's just how much things have changed since my childhood and how spread out our population is in Oklahoma City.

But we had a lot of fun stopping by Pop's. Since we were in no particular hurry we didn't mind the slowness of the old 2 lane road either. But just in case anyone has forgotten let me say that 2 lane roads are really, really slow. There is no hurrying period.


We also saw the old round barn in Arcadia that has been restored. I remember seeing this thing as a child although I do not remember very well the trips we took when I must have seen it. That was a time before the Interstates that seems so long ago now.

I remember it being pretty much like it is today and then I remember it nearly collapsing. According the web site the roof did collapse in 1988. Volunteers raised money and provided labor to rebuild it. It is a true round barn. It was built in 1898.

The End.

On Vacation

On Vacation

Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln

I am reading several books as usual but this one has captured my attention and imagination.

I bought the Kindle version so I don't have this cover.

Shown on the cover is Edwin M. Stanton on the far left and then Salmon P. Chase. Next is Lincoln. Then seated next in the foreground is William H. Seward and seated to the far right is Edward Bates.

The thing that fascinates me and that Doris Kearns Goodwin writes about is the fact that all of these men were intense political opponents of Lincoln. But he invited and persuaded them all to serve in his cabinet. He also invited men who were Democrats to serve.

It would be something like if George W. Bush in his first administration had invited John McCain and Al Gore to be cabinet members.

It is the combining of these opposing, brilliant, and strong personalities that interests me. It is, too, something I did not really understand about Lincoln and it gives me a new appreciation for the man - actually men and women in this case - but that needs explaining.

I'll write more about it. I haven't finished it. Doggone thing has 944 pages in the hardcover edition and weighs 2.4 pounds. That's a problem I don't have with the Kindle version but it still is an awful lot of words.

This has been a really difficult week for me.

I'm taking some time off from blogging for a while.

Peace and grace.

Typical White Person

In an interview on March 20, 2008 Barack Obama said the following:

The point I was making was not that grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn’t.

But she is a typical white person, who, if she sees somebody on the street that she doesn’t know, you know, there’s a reaction that’s been bred in our experiences that don’t go away and that sometimes come out in the wrong way, and that’s just the nature of race in our society.

We have to break through it, and what makes me optimistic is you see each generation feeling a little less like that, and that’s powerful stuff.

He was trying to explain earlier remarks about his white grandmother included in a speech. The speech was an attempt to address the his pastor's racist remarks.

Among other things I wondered about his grandmother. Her name is Madelyn Lee Payne Dunham and she was born in October of 1922 in Augusta, Kansas. I thought that was interesting because that would make her 86 this year and I posted an earlier entry about race and racism that included remarks about Obama's presidential race by someone of that age.

I've also been interested in the reactions of various people about the "typical white person" comment. Most often I have heard something like "I am not personally offended but it seems a kind of double standard." I thought it interesting that so many felt the need to preface their opinion that they weren't personally offended.

I guess I feel pretty much the same way though. It seems to me that Mr. Obama discussed his grandmother's actions not so differently as I discussed my older friend's question. I grant they are different but there certainly is similarity as well.

On the other hand I am pretty certain that if a white candidate had said something about "typical black people" that there would have been a tremendous outcry. I think that's the "double standard" that a lot of people have recognized.

I listened to most of Mr. Obama's speech about race. I thought it was a good speech.

Unfortunately I do not believe he satisfactorily addressed his pastor's remarks and the fact that he remained in the church. It does seem to me to be a significant issue. I don't buy the argument that Reverend Wright's military service entitles him to curse the United States. Nor do I buy the argument that because Reverend Wright is black that he is excused from being a racist.

Comments by several of Reverend Wright's congregants that his remarks were "not extreme but just about being black in America" made me sad and less optimistic about race relations in the United States. I think we may not have come as far as I had hoped after all. I just do not see any excuse for racism.

I also do not see any excuse for such hatred to be so eagerly embraced in public speech as that by Reverend Wright. I understand free speech rights and I am not contending for censure of any kind. But people who preach hate as well as their supporters should not be rewarded. That's true whether it is directed against whites or homosexuals or women or men or Muslims or Catholics or whatever.

Surely I do understand loyalty to a friend but that's different to me than remaining in an organization like a church.

It still appears to me that Mr. Obama is almost certainly going to be the Democratic candidate for president. I just don't see exactly how Mrs. Clinton defeats him at this point. But I also recognize that politics is a tough business and the Clinton's are good at it. There's still some time before the convention.

The first convention I remember anything at all about was 1956. Well, maybe I remember the names from 1952 but I can't be certain. But 1956 I recall because that's the year we got our TV and that's the first convention covered by TV. That was the beginning of the Huntley-Brinkley report. I also remember thinking Estes Kefauver's name was kind of memorable. There was a slogan or something that had his name in it that is lost somewhere in my memory. Or it may have been something I made up. Also, Kefauver had this coonskin cap he wore sometimes and he was from Tennessee and I really liked Davy Crockett then.

Well - need to try to sleep.

Throne of Grace

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16 NIV

Someone included this verse the other day in a prayer I overheard. Something struck me that I had never thought about: "the throne of grace." It is a beautiful verse by any standard with the most wonderful phrases imaginable. I had thought about approaching with confidence or boldly as another version puts it. I had thought about receiving mercy and finding grace. I had certainly thought about my time of need. But for some reason I had never thought about the throne of grace.

A throne is normally associated with power and authority and the ultimate position of respect. Grace is hard to define but often is said to be undeserved favor. I think grace is one of those things that is easily recognized when encountered but terribly difficult to describe to someone else.

There is a tremendous juxtaposition in the concept of grace anyway because it does take some kind of power position to be able to be gracious. That's not totally true of course. I can easily imagine someone really down and out being terribly mistreated and then that person acting graciously. That's certainly a form of grace. But real grace is when the someone that is offended or mistreated could crush you like a bug and not only does not but lifts you up.

Then I come to this verse about coming into the throne room of the Lord of creation and the very throne on which He sits is described as a throne of grace. It is just such a remarkable image to me. It just continues to fascinate me.

In my mind I imagine the throne to be constructed of grace. I think every act of grace we perform in the service of the Lord might be included. But that's dwarfed by the tremendous act of grace He performed for us: "forgive them for they know not what they do."

Blessings and grace.

6 months.

Another Preacher

Well (questioning) well (questioning more) well?

I actually thought it was some kind of really awful joke at first when I saw the first clip. But I think it may be true.

This guy is is from Harlem. His church is Atlah Worldwide Church and his name is Pastor James David Manning.

He is definitely not in favor of Obama. I t is unbelievable. It will probably offend you. It offended me at least. I don't get it. I don't know where these people are coming from.

This is the first Youtube clip I watched - just remember I warned you first.

This guy is worse than the other guy. I've got to quit reading the news and stuff.

Dates I Remember

And I remember on these dates:

 8/17/2007 - Chris's mom
 9/17/2007 - Lori's Helen
 9/20/2007 - Nancy's Russ
 9/21/2007 - Flinty's dad
10/15/2007 - Chris's dad
11/02/2007 - Betsy's mom
11/14/2007 - Stef's nonna
12/27/2007 - Cinnamin's mom

Homosexuality

I am interested in Biblical Christianity. That is opposed to other forms of Christianity including cultural, nominal or professing, spiritual or private, and ecclesiastical or liturgical.

It is a matter of what authority I choose to submit to in terms of both belief and practice of my personal discipleship to Jesus Christ. So I choose the Bible. Some choose the culture and the private Christian chooses himself and the ecclesiastical Christian chooses her church and the nominal Christian doesn't worry about it.

It was long ago now that I chose and it was not an easy decision. The doing has not proven any easier. The Bible does not come with an index contrary to popular opinion. It is often not possible to just look up something and find an immediate and simple answer. That would be really handy for some things.

I am fortunate to live in a time when I have access to the Bible and I have sufficient education to be able to study it for myself. That was not always the case. Part of study is certainly considering what others have thought about the subject in question. And plenty of people have thought a lot and written it all down. Still relying on such information without personal study is a lot like reading only the "Cliffs Note" for a book and thinking you've actually read the book. It just is not the same. On the other hand the field is so broad and deep that it is nearly impossible for any one person to know everything about everything. So even the best scholars consider the scholarship of others in various areas.

The Bible does not necessarily address directly every subject about which I might have interest. Sometimes it seems so but great care must be exercised because we have today translations and translations contain interpretations and interpretations can be problematical. Besides that the Bible was written during and for different times and cultures and audiences. The history of the place and people and time as well as the cultural tradition of the text is important to illuminate any understanding.

Homosexuality is one of those subjects about which many people believe the Bible is very clear. I began my study thinking that was likely the case. But I found it much more complex. The Bible is often that way so it is not surprising really.

And where the Bible does address the issue it is not always so simple to determine exactly what the meaning is. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NASB):

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God."

The Greek word here translated "homosexuals" is arsenokoites. The Greek word translated "effeminate" is malakoi. It does not take long to discover that these words are not that easily translated. It appears that the apostle Paul may have invented the term "arsenokoites" as a compound word or that it may have been a term common in Corinth. It clearly is sexual but there is good reason to question that it is entirely and only homosexual. Malakoi seems more properly interpreted as some kind of softness or weakness in will or dedication. Regardless, I am pretty certain that interpreting the words to point to our modern understanding of homosexuality is significantly overreaching.

That's the first problem. The second seems significant to me as well. Look at the other sins included in the list. Also included are the terms: idolaters, adulterers, thieves, greedy, drunkards, slanderers, and swindlers. A lot of us, myself included, have to admit to problems with at least one or two of these. If not in fact at least in thought. I see no reason at all to single out arsenokoites or malakoi for any special treatment. But that's exactly what is often done when it comes to homosexuality.

I also found it interesting that other than adulterers the other terms are of a non-sexual nature. That the two terms that are most often associated with homosexuality are so often emphasized makes me believe there is a significant bias. It would be interesting if the same criticism of homosexuals was directed towards adulterers or the greedy or drunks or slanderers. There's a pretty big group in each one of those categories. They overlap of course.

I don't want to belabor this discussion as it is a blog and is not to be considered a fully critical treatment of the subject. But I find similar problems with other verses that touch on homosexuality in both the Old and New Testaments.

The story of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah is often used in the discussion of homosexuality. However in Ezekiel 16:48-50 (NIV) I find the following:

'Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me.'

There is no doubt that there was sexual sin that was widespread in Sodom and Gomorrah but again it is not clear to me that it is the homosexual nature of the sin that is necessarily any more important than the other sins that are listed in Ezekiel.

There is actually quite a bit about Sodom in the Bible. But the most famous story I suppose is its destruction. Two angels come to Sodom after meeting with Abraham who is told that the city will be destroyed. Abraham argues that there might be some righteous people there and gets an agreement that if 10 righteous are found the city will be spared. The angels journey on to Sodom and Abraham's nephew, Lot, puts them up for the night in his home. "All of the men" (literally the mortals) of the town later come to the house and demand the newly arrived be turned over to them for sex. Lot, the only righteous man in town, offers his virginal daughters instead but the offer is refused.

Well, it isn't a very happy story all way around. It seems detestable that Lot would have offered his daughters in the first place. That's the first clue that there is a significant cultural barrier to understanding this passage. But it would make no sense that Lot would offer females if the "men of the city" (and literally it is mortals which could be a clue to yet a different understanding) were only interested in males. Rape, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is definitely frowned upon both during early Bible days and now.

There clearly is a bias in our culture against homosexual individuals. Bias and predisposition is always a problem in properly understanding the Bible. But when it is so emotionally charged as is homosexuality it makes it even more difficult.

I was accosted at least once by a homosexual man when I was in my early 20's. It was very unsettling and frightening for me. I know several other men and women who had similar experiences. It is difficult and unfair to generalize this behavior but it does inform as to how the issue becomes emotionally charged.

The various Gay pride events and both factual and non-factual information about Gay behavior also tend to portray an aggressiveness or assertiveness.

Homosexuals are a minority which makes them as a group less known and understood. Then there is much controversy over the causes of homosexuality.

So ignorance and misunderstanding coupled with a perception of aggressiveness does lead many people to fearfully attribute an agenda to the group. And certainly there is an agenda of sorts but it is not clear to me that they are one and the same.

I am not going to end my blog entry with a conclusion. I am not trying to persuade anyone of anything really. Since I had studied this topic a bit I thought I'd share a little about what I had learned.

Reverend Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr.

Reverend Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr. has been in the news recently. This is so because one of his congregants for nearly 20 years, Barack Obama, is the leading Democratic presidential candidate.

Mr. Obama's faith became an issue in his presidential campaign. His father and stepfather were both Muslim and he spent some of his childhood in the mostly Muslim nation of Indonesia. These facts along with seriously erroneous information were spread in an email in an effort to associate Mr. Obama with Islam. The email became so widely distributed that Mr. Obama had to try to set the record straight. He did so by stating that "I've been to the same church - the same Christian church - for almost 20 years."

That statement naturally raised curiosity about the church in question, Trinity United Church of Christ, and Dr. Wright whose ministry with the church began in 1972. It was quickly revealed that Dr. Wright was controversial to say the least. Copies of video clips of his sermons were made available and news organizations, particularly ABC News, began scouring them for details.

A very few of the most disturbing portions of the sermons have been made public and are now all over the Internet and on various TV shows. I have now watched and heard several of these segments more than once.

I wish I had not heard Dr. Wright say the things I heard him say. I wish I had not seen him say them. I wish I had not seen the members of the audience jumping and clapping and giving high fives and otherwise celebrating and encouraging his remarks.

The segments make me sick to my stomach. I mean both the throw up vomit kind of sick and the clenched fist punch to the stomach kind of sick. His remarks make my heart hurt. I refuse to listen to them anymore. If one of the segments come on I turn the station or avert my eyes.

Freebirds, Birthdays, House Cleaning

Yesterday was Dad's 91st birthday. His birthday was just 4 days after his mother's and she would have been 118. And her birthday was just a few more days after my brother's. We tried to get together for his birthday when it happened but yesterday was our first opportunity. So he came down to the farm and we all (me, my son, and my brother) drove down to Norman to eat lunch at Freebirds.

I found a blog about Freebirds that is outstanding that shows one of the burritos and how they are made. I'll have to take some photos next time I go. The blog banner is "Words and Pictures, Cheap Eats, Fun Photos and Other Wonderful Things, By Noted Cheapskate Jeff Campbell in Austin, Texas." I thought that was a very cool title all by itself. The blog is worth reading or was for me anyway.

I should have taken some photos myself when I was at our Freebirds and I will next time. In the meantime I'm linking to this image from Jeff's excellent blog. This image shows how the burrito is served. There's another on the blog that shows how it is made. When you finish eating some people take the foil and make little artistic shapes with it and leave it along one of the walls. Except I can't ever finish mine so I keep the foil and use it to wrap mine up and take home with me and the fact that I can't make artistic shapes out of foil.

You walk in and make your way through a little pipe fence deal to a counter area. You choose your tortilla from wheat, cayenne, spinach, and white. Then you can choose rice and beans of several types and white chicken or dark or steak. I usually put jalapenos and other toppings on mine as well. I get the half bird size and it is too much for me. Other sizes are the Freebird, Monster, Super Monster. The Super Monster weighs between 6 and 9 pounds if you can believe that. Mine is a little over $5 which I think is pretty good.

The restaurant is located in the campus corner area of Norman. I should take some photos of that area, too. In the meantime I will link to this one from a web site.

Then we drove back home and went through the house. My daughter has volunteered to help me get everything out of the house so we can tear it down. It is a huge job.

We walked room by room and my brother found a craft he made in grade school and an old slide projector and Dad's old violin that he took. We found mom's rings and my brother took them to put in his safe deposit box. The craft he found was a rooster made out of some kind of seeds or beans or something on construction paper. It was about to fall apart but he really wanted it so we carefully carried it out to his car. We all told him that his wife was going to be so happy!

What we'll do first is get everything out and sorted into things someone in the family wants, stuff we give or sell, stuff we store, and stuff we throw away. So that starts Monday.

Conflict Makes Me Sad

Some fellows from my city bought the Seattle basketball team a while back. Now they want to bring the team to Oklahoma City. Fans in the city of Seattle are understandably upset about the prospect of losing their team that has been there for 40 years. Fans in Oklahoma City are understandably excited about getting a team. But there is tremendous conflict with name calling and slurs and threats of violence.

Then there was this legislator here the other day that said some unkind things about homosexuals. She achieved You Tube fame as well as the need for protection because of the volume of death threats she's received. She's married to a pastor apparently.

Mr. Obama's pastor, Jeremiah Wright, also made it to You Tube. He says some terrible things. It is hard to believe he is a pastor.

Geraldine Ferraro resigned from Mrs. Clinton's campaign because of remarks about Mr. Obama.

Mr. Eliot Spitzer resigned the governorship of the state of New York because he was caught paying a prostitute for sex. His wife stood by him when he announced his resignation.

Then there are those who believe human activity is causing the earth's temperature to increase.

There's others who feel so strongly about human activity hurting the environment that they burn down houses and destroy equipment and worse.

There are quite a few Islamic folks in the world who are intent on destroying the United States and all the people who live here.

There's a place called Israel where there is constant conflict.

There's no need to mention the other countries in the world who are at each others' throats.

These are just a few examples. I do not believe I could list all of them.

All of these conflicts make me tired and sad.

Heater Arrived, 80 Degrees Today, Amazon

The Lasko Heater I ordered from Amazon arrived yesterday. Took me about 10 minutes to put it together. So, ordered it on Saturday and it arrived on Tuesday. Cost $59.99 delivered. Price in store $59.99. But wait, the heater wasn't in the store!! No sales tax and no shipping because I pay Amazon an annual fee. Since gasoline is now $3.25 (the kind I buy at least) here and climbing, Amazon looks pretty good. I probably drove about about one gallon worth or more the other day hunting the heater. I get 16 mpg.

Speaking of Amazon I bought a CD (kind of) from them on Monday. I've been hearing that song by Yael Naim advertising the new Apple MacBook Air. The song is New Soul and I liked it and her voice. So I searched first to find the artist and then decided I would buy the CD of the same name. But it doesn't release in the United States until March 18. But then I noticed I could immediately download an MP3 version for $1 less and do it right now. So I did. I had to first download the Amazon MP3 downloader program and install it but that was really nothing. I guess I could have done the same thing over at Itunes but Amazon was handier. This worked great!! I think I prefer having stuff as MP3 anyway now that I think about it.

I read her bio on her web. The part that hooked me was this:

“It was when I was really young that I sincerely believed to be an old soul reincarnated and I could even say it gave me a sense of superiority over others. But then as I subsequently did everything the wrong way round I concluded that it was actually my first time on earth and that I should learn to be a more humble.”

Ha ha! I found that so intriguing that I had to buy the CD.


Speaking of the MacBook Air though I really like that thing. But at $1799 I think I will have to stay with my Dell XPS M1210 for a while. Although this Mac makes my Dell look like a slab of wood.

Since I got the heater yesterday it is only fair to note that the high today is predicted to be 80 degrees.

Ten Years

Yesterday I was privileged to see an old friend.

I first met him in 1982 in early June I think. He was my first pastor after I actually came to know that God was real. Easter in 1982 was on April 11th. Pentecost is 50 days following Easter Sunday or the 8th Sunday from Easter and including Easter. That means Pentecost in 1982 was May 30th.

He was 54 then. He had already been the pastor there for 28 years. I was 33.

The last time I saw him was in Dallas in 1998 just a few months before I came to live with mom and dad.

Now I'm 59 and he's 80. People change some in a decade. But I recognized him immediately. I noticed his body had aged. I guess I must have aged too because he saw me and I waved and then he came over to me. I stood and moved toward him. He extended his hand and I took it but I tried, awkwardly, to hug him. I thought about it beforehand and did it deliberately even though he's never been much of a hugger. But I thought I wanted to hug him and didn't care about the others in the room or even his reluctance for that matter. I think I would not have before I was a caregiver. He said "I wouldn't have recognized you." I thought he must have though or otherwise he wouldn't have spotted me. Then I said "I've aged a few years but you haven't." He laughed.

In a way it wasn't true that he had not aged. His body was older. I noticed his belt was cinched all the way now and his stomach below the belt was protruding a little just as I've seen in so many of my 80 year old friends. There was even less hair and what was there was whiter I guess. The muscles and skin around his face and neck had sagged a bit more.

But otherwise he was the same. His voice and his manner of speech and his mannerisms. Besides I know the man and only a part of a man is his physical body. I don't discount that part but neither is it the part of this man that I love so dearly.

I may not have been the youngest there but I was close. Most were in their 70's and 80's. At least three men either were or had been caregivers for Alzheimer's spouses. A few people I remembered from that church but I think only one remembered me. There were about 30 people there.

It was a Bible study that is held in this little barbecue restaurant every Monday. It was a great study. My friend is one of if not the best expositors I've had the opportunity to hear.

The study itself was about the dangers of being Pharisaical.

The Pharisees were an old group in Judaism by the time of Jesus. They were the traditionalists and were interested in preserving the society against the influences of the modern world. They considered all of the Scripture to be Holy and inspired and they were literal in their interpretation. They believed in the resurrection of the body. So they shared a good many things with modern day evangelicals. There were some stark differences as well.

But they were the group that was most opposed to Jesus and they were the group that Jesus most often criticized most harshly.

It was a very good exposition and made me understand how much I have missed this kind of teaching.

Afterward he and I went to a little root beer place. He bought each of us a frosty, cold mug of root beer. The mug was so cold that it had ice on the outside and the root beer on the inside had that frothy ice like stuff down at the bottom. I do not remember the last time I enjoyed a root beer like this.

We talked about our lives over the last decade. Time fled so quickly and we each had to go.

Guard Your Heart

Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23 NASB

Judy was reading this verse and that made me think about it.

The context is a father's admonition to his children to seek and value wisdom.

Of course I immediately am drawn back to my caregiving career. And once again I find that experience illuminating my thinking.

So many times during that period I realized I lacked knowledge. And many times I thought if I could only understand the what and the why. And many times my physical ability was stretched well beyond my capacity. And my will faltered and failed so very often. I wanted to do things but I could not do them as much as I tried. Then there was lack of this and lack of that.

But really all of those things turned out to be manageable even though at first I did not believe so. I learned a lot even though there was much left to know. I gained some insight. I endured the strain on my body. And somehow I kept going even when I could not really make myself take another step. And I did without but we didn't really need it anyway.

As I think back the things that loomed so large begin to seem smaller and dimmer. But I do recognize how vulnerable was my heart, more than I realized at the time.

The psalmist gives some pointers about guarding one's heart:

1. Put away perversity from your mouth
2. Let your eyes look straight ahead
3. Make level paths for your feet
4. Do not swerve to the right or the left

I think it is surprising that the first pointer is about speech. I might write that "keep your speech under control and calm and pleasant." I did most of the time. I had some drastically bad failures though and even thinking about them makes me cringe. What it makes me think most of though is the days when dad's behavior would be so wild. If I were calm and quiet and kept my voice under control I could almost always calm him down. On the other hand if I lost control then things became worse and worse for both of us.

The second one I think is about not looking too far ahead and staying focused on the near term. It is like driving. If you concentrate on the curb too much then you invariably hit it. Or if you look too far ahead you don't see the pot hole. I think that's just as appropriate for my life as it is for someone with Alzheimer's.

That level path part I think is about making things as orderly as possible. That's when the routine was my friend. I remember how hard that was for me at first. Having some level places was good then and it is good now, too.

I think the last one means trying to make changes slowly. It isn't always possible of course but when it is things surely work better if new things can be introduced a little at a time. Big changes are just so disruptive.

Chumby

This thing is called a Chumby.  It is a wireless appliance that connects to your local computer and then connects to the Chumby Network over the Internet.

It is a clock but it also plays Internet radio or music from your IPod or other sources.  You can listen to news, weather, and traffic reports.  It is a digital frame for your images.  You can have your own Chumby friends and can share stuff with them.

You can keep track of your ebay auctions and a whole host of other things.

$179.95 but the shipping is free.

No, I haven't bought one; but, I do think it is kind of a cool gadget. 

Needed A Heater

I know it is March 8th and I know that spring is supposed to start on the 20th with the arrival of the vernal equinox.

But it was 20 degrees this morning.

And one of my little portable heaters is broken. And did I mention it was 20 degrees this morning?

Normally I would buy stuff like this from an Internet vendor, usually Amazon. But I figured I would just stop by Home Depot and get a heater. They didn't have any. Neither did Ace Hardware, Lowes, Wal-mart, as well as another place. Actually they had kerosene heaters but that didn't really help me.

I did take the opportunity to buy a new flashlight as well as a new lantern. I figure since we are coming into stormy season here in the next few weeks that those would be good items to have in the new home. I was hoping to move in by middle of April but probably going to be closer to middle of May. That's still stormy season though.

So when I returned home, heaterless, I jumped on Amazon and found one and it will be here Wednesday. It was on sale but at least there was one.

I also managed to buy a few groceries, hit the dry cleaners, and exercise. I wanted a Starbucks but the lines were insanely long so I decided this would be a no caffeine day. They were probably insanely long because it was 20 degrees.

I had to ask the places if they had heaters. In one place the girl I asked had to find someone that spoke better English than she did because she apparently didn't understand me. I was trying to make gestures indicating heater but I am not very good at signs in the first place and a heater is way beyond my ability.

I see where oil was at $106+ yesterday. That should keep things rolling (ha ha) around here for a while.