Little by Little

When mom died I wondered how dad and I would manage. Mom and I talked. Dad listened for the most part. So it was with some concern that I considered how the two of us would get along.

But we did just fine. Dad continued getting up pretty early just as he always had. I made breakfast just as I had been doing. Except that mom always wanted an egg. Dad always wanted cereal. Doesn't take long to make cereal. Then we made the beds together. Dad and mom had done that until she was unable.

Trash occupied a considerable amount of dad's time. He would cut up boxes and separate out his containers and jars for his collections. And for a long time he remembered the day he had to take the container down to the road. It's kind of funny because trash seems to still occupy a good part of my time.

For a long while we drove around the pasture picking up trash. We'd usually drive down the east fence to the south boundary and then west and so on until we had driven the entire perimeter. I got us stuck once and we had to walk back to the house.

I had this outfit come in and clean up the old oil well pad but while it was there we would go there and walk around. I had this idea maybe that he and I would tear down the old barn but he had already lost too much by then so I hired it done.

At 9:30 each morning we stopped for our coffee break which by then was hot chocolate for him. That's when we would read the paper and the obituaries. He read to me at first and then later I read to him.

Lunch was at noon. I fixed him a half sandwich. Sometimes turkey and cheese and sometimes peanut butter. Then a cookie and some fruit and juice.

In the summer he mowed and I would watch from the porch. He would wave at me as he came around. In the winter we watched a lot of History Channel and listened to music and did various things. We had our coffee by the little fireplace in the winters.

We visited the cemetery every day for a long while. I bought him milkshakes at Sonic on the way back home. We even went to supper once or twice with old friends. He helped me fix supper and we made cookies together. We went to buy groceries together. Sometimes we would visit my daughter and her family or we would see my brother. We had occasional visitors for a long while, too.

Once or maybe twice we drove the 2 hours to the farm of his birth and walked around on it. Then we went into town and visited his grandparents' graves at the old cemetery.

When I was working he would sit in the office with me. I would program and he would sit and look through different magazines and books. We had several business meetings in that room. We would listen to music.

I don't remember what changed first or the order things were lost. One day he couldn't set the table any longer. He would take a plate from the cupboard and put it on the table but then he would put it back. I helped him by putting everything on the table and then he could take it from there for a while longer.

One day he just lost interest in trash. He didn't remember the day any longer.

One day I told him the grass was pretty tall. He said "No, it was alright." He never mowed after that. So I started mowing and he sat on the porch. And as I came around he waved at me from the porch.

Little by little things changed. Reminds me of an old song by Dusty Springfield, although I don't think she had Alzheimer's in mind:

Little By Little

(buddy kaye / bea verdi)

Little by little by little by little by little
Little by little by little by little by little

You’re messing up my life
Tearing me apart
Breaking up my world
And I’m giving up my heart
Little by little by little by little

I’m losing all my pride
It’s really getting bad
Hurting deep inside
Is a-making me go mad, ooh
Little by little by little by little

Little by little
Bit by bit
I’m going crazy and you’re causing it
Little by little
Bit by bit
I should stop caring
But my love won’t quit

Little by little by little by little by little, yeah
Little by little by little by little by little, all right

I don’t know where to turn
Don’t know what to do
I’m walking on thin ice
And it seems I’m falling through, ooh
Little by little by little by little

Little by little
Bit by bit
I’m going crazy and you’re causing it
Little by little
Bit by bit
I should stop caring
But my love won’t quit

I’m the queen of fools
Know the deck is stacked
On a losing streak
But I’m a-gonna get you back

Little by little by little by little
(little by little by little by little by little)
Yeah, little by little
(little by little by little by little by little)
Ah, ah, ah, little by little
(little by little by little by little by little)
Little by little, mmm
(little by little by little by little by...)

Little By Little