Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Aloneness

I had not really lived alone until my divorce which was coincidental with my children leaving home.

Coming home to the big, empty house required considerable adjustment. I was no longer a husband and my father role was drastically changed. What in the world was my role?

I still recall going to a restaurant by myself the very first time. I could not figure out where to look. Later on I noticed that a lot of single diners had books or magazines or papers to read. Attending church one Sunday morning I could not help but notice the couples and families so tightly grouped together and interspersed here and there were little individual islands of us singles. The singles kept a distance between themselves.

I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that there was no special person anywhere that cared whether I got up or not. And for a while I certainly didn't much care myself. One morning in church there was a young couple sitting in front of me. The woman casually patted her husbands neck and let her hand fall down his shoulder and arm. It was so beautiful it made me ache. It is the smallest thing that seems to cause the flood of emotion.

By the time I came to live with mom and dad I thought I would never adjust to living so closely with people again.

8 comments:

nancy said...

what a lonely period that must have been in your life. God however still cared about you. i am so glad that you have found happiness again. how did you and your wife meet, in church i wonder?

flintysooner said...

A friend we both went to school with suggested I email my wife because she had lost her daddy just 6 months before I lost my mom. And we were both living on our old family farms and both caring for our parents. Her farm is only 7 miles west and she and I went through all 12 grades together. But we had not seen each other in years.

So I emailed and eventually got up enough courage to telephone her. Then she brought some cheesecake by after church.

And she played mom's old organ for dad and he really liked that.

We married in 2004.

steflovesnonna said...

I think I know just how you felt. No matter how much I know I am not alone, I still feel like I am. Its like this empty stomach that will not go away no matter how much food I eat. I am glad your no longer alone.

flintysooner said...

Stef, I found that I really enjoyed being alone though. I wish I had lived alone a while before I married the first time. But I'm glad I got to do both. It's not so much that one is better than the other but just different.

Lori1955 said...

Well Flinty, I'd fall in love with anyone that brought me cheese cake too.
I haven't lived alone in a long time. I wonder how I will adjust. I know I used to like it but it might be different as I get older and I don't have any children.

flintysooner said...

I laughed when I read that. But for some reason it made me want to say "You have to control the cheesecake!"

I am pretty sure one of the best attributes for caregiving is the ability to adjust so I suspect you would adjust just fine.

nancy said...

thanks for sharing your story. i'm glad you found each other and are happy. you deserve it!

~Betsy said...

I also really treasure my alone time. But I haven't been alone in my house since sometime in 2005. I miss it. Not that I don't want my family around, but I want some time to listen to the stereo loud and do my own thing without anyone around to bother me.

Thanks for sharing your story, Flinty. It sounds like a wonderful love story and your wife sounds like an angel.