Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Why am I sitting here?

Sunday, August 19th, 2007

It rained all last night and most of the morning. It was raining so much I decided I'd better stay home so I canceled my aide. Tropical storm Erin was coming through.

Dad didn't get up until middle of the afternoon. Well he made it two feet to a chair at least. He finally ate his breakfast and fed himself. His right hand is so shaky. It is painful for me to watch him. He has this thing about wanting to be so far away from his food. It is driving me nuts. He stayed up an hour or so and then went back to his bed. He seems to be cold.

He got up again to the chair about 9 pm and ate a little supper. I had to feed him his ice cream. Then he got back in bed. I moved to my room.

But I sat with him all day. He slept. I sat. I thought why am I sitting here?

It reminded me of the times in the hospital with mom and then later with dad. Mom was in a month the first time. Dad and I stayed all but a few nights. He would not leave her and I would not leave them.

The dietitian was of Asian heritage. The first time she came in we were all there with mom: me and my brother and our dad. The dietitian said we were like her family and that Americans didn't usually do that. I think she meant us non-Asian Americans. She said most just dropped their relatives off and left.

I have to figure out how to live again with him always in bed like this. I wonder if it will change again though.

6 comments:

~Betsy said...

You sit there, probably, because you don't know where else to be.

When my friend was so sick, I also sat. I'd get up periodically to clean up the kitchen or toss in a load of laundry, but for the most part I also just sat. She slept, I sat.

I guess it's the right thing to do?

Lori1955 said...

It is strange how we react to what they are going through. I notice that when Helen has a good day, even though she never gets out of her chair, I can actually function and get things done in this house. When she is in a lot of pain I do nothing but sit here next to her on this computer.

flintysooner said...

I have stuff I should do. I just can't seem to do it. But I've been here before and the adjustment will occur.

This morning we actually went out on the porch for about an hour.

rilera said...

One thing you can count on with this disease is change.

As for sitting, I think it's our way of spending every possible minute with our loved one because we know time is fleeting.

I'm glad to hear that your dad is a little better.

~Betsy said...

I understand what you mean. When Mom is having a bad day, it's as if I can't get anything else done. She is aware enough that if I spend the whole day sitting with her, she frets. It's almost as if it makes her uncomfortable - as if she senses something is wrong with her. So I try and get on with my chores around the house, but I can't really get started with anything.

It's good to hear your dad made it to the porch this morning.

nancy said...

we ought to form a "sitters club". i too do a lot of sitting, whether russ is sleeping or sitting as well and have often wondered why. robyn's theory makes sense. although if russ is awake and i am not sitting next to him he tries to get up to come find me and i'm afraid he will fall if i'm not there.