Friday, August 10, 2007

Night Life

3:10 am

Dad is up. I hear him even though I am in such deep sleep. I jump up. There is something wrong. I shake the sleep from my body but it does not cooperate and I have to catch myself on the bed as I find my moccasins. My mind is ahead of my body.

He is at his door. He is so stooped over. There is the shaking in his leg. His gown is wet, really wet. I glance at the bed. The pad is wet but not the sheet so I throw the pad on the floor and replace it on the bed with a new one from the stack.

I untie the gown and get it off him. He is so bent over. My heart aches and inside I cry out to the Lord. My poor little dad.

I pick up a new depends and a pad and pull on the gloves. I have to help him back towards the bed and I stop him at the little chair. I begin changing - now almost a ritual form. He is not able to help me much. The shaking is worse and the stiffness is much worse.

I think "Is this the disease or the drugs?" because I've seen something like this before with other drugs. Then again I've seen something like this with the disease, too. The drugs haven't changed. But then again the Risperdal took a month and a half. Has it been that long for the Geodon? I don't remember.

Now we're moving back towards the bed. The shuffle step is so pronounced now, even worse than yesterday. His left leg fails him and I am almost carrying him now. I think he is losing his ability to walk. I remember the other times like this.

My mind is racing ahead in the future now. How to work with him when he can't walk and can't stand and on and on.

He's back in bed now. He is so stiff. He seems hot.

I'm burning up myself - why is it so hot? Is the A/C working?

He will not or cannot speak. I don't know which. His temp is 98. He will not lay his head on the pillow. How can he hold his body that way so rigid with his head up and his feet pulled up like that? But I've seen this before. It will not last forever.

He is as comfortable now as I can make him.
3:35 am
I glance at the clock on the DVD. I want to check the cable about the miners. I am so hot. I check the thermostat and it is 73 but I am burning up. Turn on the overhead fan. Can't sleep so open the laptop. Check a few forums. There are others up on the Alzheimer's forum. But I don't post. I am alone.

3:45 am
I climb in bed. Finally I am cooling off some. I twist and turn. I can almost sleep but not quite.

4:35 am
Out of bed and start this blog. Check the cable again. Finally Fox reports and CNN a few minutes later. The smaller drill has arrived at the chamber and the air is good and a microphone has been lowered but there are no sounds. Happened hours ago I guess.

4:45 am
Dad is up again. Get him back in bed. He is so stiff still but walking a little better.

5:00 am
Back in bed - trying to sleep.

6:30 am
still in bed but heard dad twice

7:45 am
Finally getting up. Dad's awake. Will be interesting to see what he's like this morning.

5 comments:

~Betsy said...

I'm so sorry you are having all these bad nights. A night with interrupted sleep makes the day so long and difficult. Perhaps you should look into the drug side effects.

nancy said...

so sorry to hear you dad is having restless nights. it can be even more draining on the caregiver when that happens. my thoughts and prayers are with both you and your dad.

steflovesnonna said...

I am sorry. I wish I could say something to make it better to help you though this, to help him though this. I fear that my words wont change anything. It wont stop time, it wont turn back time. Yet I still feel the need to try and reach out to you when I have seen you have had a bad night. Does it really make a difference? Maybe. But know your not alone. And know there is love.

~Stefanie

If you know that more because of all of our words then we I guess we have made a very small difference.

flintysooner said...

You guys are all great. I appreciate you all.

Lori1955 said...

Sorry it was such a bad night. I really hope it is better tonight for both of you. As always, you are in my prayers.