Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Why Am I Still Blogging?

I don't know all the reasons really. I don't have anything of significance to say not that I ever did for that matter. But that was never the reason for the blog in the first place.

It is not as therapeutic for me as it was when I was caring for Dad. Then I had lots of sitting time and it gave me something to do. I don't have that time anymore. I was alone but not alone. And there were long hours of being alone like that with nearly nothing to do punctuated by the frequently occurring crisis of varying duration and intensity. It was good for me then to read about others who were doing the same things and experiencing similar emotions and grief. And it did help me to write about how I felt. It really didn't matter if anyone read or not. It was the writing it that seemed to make some difference.

Then someone commented and I felt supported by that comment. And I wanted to return some support and so I commented myself. One blog led to another. We became friends connected by Internet words and a peculiar disease.

That's why I am still blogging I think. I don't want to say good-bye to my friends. Stopping the blog feels like saying good-bye.

Yesterday a man I've known since I was a teenager stopped by the office. I couldn't remember if he had been told about Dad's death. He and his wife were good friends to mom and dad. They were in that generation in between me and dad. Well, closer to me I guess. Although 12 years to a teenager is a lot more than it is to a 60 year old. But still it is 18 years away from Dad's age.

Dad and mom had friends of all ages. I notice I have friends of all ages, too. I wonder if it is chemical or environmental. I suppose a bit of both like so many things.

We had a good visit. He has a sod farm now. I've bought sod from him in fact. Finally he said "Well, tell me about Alton." And I said "Dad died September 21st. I'm sorry I didn't contact you and let you know. I know you wanted to know but we just didn't get everyone contacted." He said he was really sorry to learn about Dad's death and he talked about how fine a man Dad was and what all he had meant to his life. I told about Dad's last moments.

Strange I thought that it would be on the 4 month anniversary of Dad's death. No one mentioned it though. I knew it of course but I did not dwell on it.

I may stop blogging for a while. I am still reading my friend's blogs.


nancy said...

i know what you mean about blogging and not feeling the need to blog as much. yet i also don't want to say goodbye to all the friends i have made through this process.

so i understand if you need to take a break for awhile. if you do, please come back every now and then to let us know how you are doing.

for me at least, i'm not at that point as of yet. i will continue to post for now, just maybe not as often. blessings my friend.

*(·¸*Chris*¸·)* said...

Although I can sure appreciate your feelings about blogging, I would like to add something- Your entries have indeed helped me see there is happiness and hope after caregiving and a whole world out there that needs rediscovering.
Blessings to you my friend.

Annie said...

I still like reading your blog, Terry. It's like keeping up with friends, even though we've never met.

Katmir said...

like chris, your blog has been a place i go to for many reasons-- won't bore you as to the why's... only wanted to give another thank you. perhaps when you find your new porch, it'll end-- or perhaps evolve into something else... and that too, is ok. many days i simply cannot write in my own blog-- it doesn't provide help (i don't think), a few times it's helped me purge when there's no one else to listen.... so there's value in a funny sorta way. more than anything i find it a relief we don't get as many phone calls now-- people can simply read and know. peace of mind-- ta da!

~Betsy said...

I hope you never stop blogging, Terry. Your words are comforting and full of wisdom. You have a lot to share.