Friday, September 21, 2007

New Normal

Hospice has not yet arrived as I write this. But they told me they would be late so I am not surprised. They are to bring the morphine.

My daughter came and started crying immediately upon entering dad's room. She wanted to come because she didn't see my mom just before her death and it has fueled regret. It's irrational because she had a newborn and 2 other young children at the time but it still bothers her. She worked with dad for a while and she's always felt close to her pop.

She brought me photos of her 4 kids. They all look so much older now. I can't remember when I saw them last. My son's second child's birthday is today. He turns 8. And Mrs. Flinty's youngest grandchild turns 13 today. That's still a momentous occasion I think.

My brother is leading the planning for the arrangements. He offered. I accepted with extreme gratitude.

My aide has been here and left. She cleaned up for me and made things more presentable. And finished some laundry, too. I told her I'd call her about Sunday because I don't know right now.

One of our pastors called and visited and more people will be praying. Mrs. Flinty will let her orchestra mates know.

Dad will not wake today and he has had neither food nor drink.

I am in my usual spot in his room. I think this is my new normal for a while.

I am so very grateful to each one of you who have left comments. Your encouragement and love and prayers and good thoughts are incredibly generous and supportive. I see that Nancy's Russ has made the journey and I offer my condolences as well as my thanks for answered prayer. I continue to hold you all in my prayers.

I am doing well now. I am truly blessed.


Lori1955 said...

Part of me is glad that you had people around today and then I think about how glad I was that I was alone with Helen when she passed. I don't know which way is best. I know that you are OK because you know you will see your dad again some day. I pray that he continues to be at peace until the Lord calls him home and I pray that you too will be at peace, Flinty.

nancy said...

i could really relate to your title a new normal. when russ came home on monday we had a new normal for a few short days. i had a new place to sit, not next to him on the couch, but in a chair next to his bed.

the last 2 days i sat and talked with him and held his hand. a good part of the time it was just the 2 of us. i will always treasure those final moments with russ.

i am thinking and praying for you both. you are doing a wonderful job. it is hard but well worth it. there will be no regrets for you.

Kathy NC said...

You are a wonderful son.


SKYGIRL said...

Oh Flinty...*Sobbing Now, Hard!* There is nothing good about Death. I am sorry, and I believe, like no believer ever did, in Life, after Life, but there is still nothing 'good' about Death.

I am so sorry you are having to experience this...your Daughter's request was not irrational, Flinty, because, well, we Women, are a funny breed, and she felt she missed something REALLY important, and perhaps she did.

You are so fortunate, to be surrounded by so much Love, so many people that 'still' Love him, and Love, You? the Pastor coming, is so touching, like it used to be. in the olden days, right?

Perhaps I can feel no 'joy' in the final journey, because I have never (and not because it is not my hearts desire!) been a 24/7 Caregiver, and been a daily witness, to the agoney, and the pain, and the uncertainty this Disease brings, in it's wake?

Oh, how I "HATE" this Disease, I really do. but I "LOVE" you, Flinty, and your Dad & Mrs. Flinty....and everyone that ever knew, your dear Dad.

And I will still search for that passage "Jesus says; that 'Death' is our last enemy" I promise.